So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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