would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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