Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
