It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
