I wannas sexs uuuuu
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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