I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
