I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize