I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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