so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
