There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
