Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
