Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
