Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
