Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
