meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up under a house in Key West
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