the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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