Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
