I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
