I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
