I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
