I just saw a hot homeless man
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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