when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize