i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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