he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
