So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
