we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize