I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
