at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
