Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
