some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
