in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
