i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
