At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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