no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
