how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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