I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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