guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
