ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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