And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
