So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
