I skipped work to stalk him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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