I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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