True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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