im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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