She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
