went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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