Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
