Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
