btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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