I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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