Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
