my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
