Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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