"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need to sanitize my soul.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
