literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
