So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize