wake up i wanna do it froggy style
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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