In the future we'll all be gay
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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