do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize