Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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