I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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