Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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