Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
