he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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