you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
