I'd wear matching sweaters with you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
