I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
