So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
