The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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