just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
