Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
