I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize