I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
