put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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