Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
