I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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